It's been a very frustrating couple of weeks. I have been seriously considering leaving my wife. And not for a stripper either. The thing is this. I have been going through this whole early mid-life crisis lately. I'm freaking out about turning 30 in 3 1/2 months, and I'm thinking "where did my 20's go?!"
I have been a real ass to Hell the last little while too. She pretty much told me her and the kids were leaving me yesterday. I don't know what I want. I'm afraid of waking in 12 years and wondering where my entire life went. I love my kids. They are the only reason I haven't started over. I hate this shit. I know the right thing to do is just suck it up. I choose this life, albeit a little naively, but I did choose it. The other side of me says it'll be so nice to have your own place again, and to do what ever you want.
Tonight we are having a big talk. If I'm honest about my thoughts and feelings, then it's over and I'll be looking for a place. If I just shrug it off like I always have, then I get to be with the kids and they get to stay in their home.
I hate myself sometimes.
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