Time is ticking down to my first and maybe last encounter with my father. I feel like my life has built up to this point. It’s an inexplicable feeling of force that has compelled me to search for him throughout my life. I have to know what he looks like even if I never see him again. It won’t be how I had envisioned so many times in my mind growing up. Those illusions are long gone. I used to pretend that my father was searching for something he thought was missing, but didn’t know what it was until I found him. What a sad state. In reality he doesn’t even care or want to. It’s a good thing I was an adult when I found him, because if I had been rejected when I really needed him it most certainly would have killed me.
My stomach is starting to knot and I can’t stop sweating. I’m a grown man for God’s sake!
Mistakes are easy to push inside a closet when they’re hidden from view. Time to face your mistake, I’m right here. Try to ignore me now!
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