20 years and change

I just spoke to someone I haven't talked to in twenty years. My first step-father. Last time I saw him I was about 9 years old. He had been the only father I had known from the time I was born, not knowing who my real Dad was. When him and my mother divorced in 1983 he stopped having anything to do with me. He did however still see his other children, my half brother and sister. I guess he felt that because I wasn't biologically his, he didn't need to pursue a relationship with me. Try explaining that to a 9 year old boy, the only man he'd ever known as Daddy didn't have to see him anymore. I dealt with it the best I could. I was the oldest, and knew that one day I would find my real father, who didn't know I even existed. Throughout my teens I would fantasize about what it would be like meet my real Dad, and how we would have this great relationship. We'd hang out and talk, play sports, whatever. Naive...that's what I was. I did actually find him when I was 20 years old. I had hired private investigators to help me. And they did. I found him. You know what he said? "So what do you want?" That was his reaction. Needless to say it wasn't what I had imagined it would be. I never understood that. Especially now that I'm a father myself of two wonderful boys...

Anyways, I'm way off topic. I called this person, who I was even named after, because of my half brother. Forget the half, my brother. He's 26 now and his life is spinning out of control. Everybody can see it but him. Over the last few years he's started doing heavy drugs. It almost took his life in a suicide attempt 2 years ago. With the help of his family and at the expense of many, he managed to get off of them. For a while. Now things are worse than before, and he can't see it. He feels everyone should mind their own business and not try and "force their morals" on him. He doesn't realize that it's not about that, it's about his life. I don't want to see him lose it. He needs help, and I thought maybe his father could help him, if he won't let anyone else. It was one of the hardest things I've had to do in a long time. You think that time dulls feelings from years ago...but it doesn't.

I'm still shaking...