Interesting...there is a place called Crazy Creek, and at the creek is a tree. People for reason feel inclined to stick pennies in the sap of this tree.

Today's Random Image

I'm still new to this whole blogging phenomenon, but I want to share random pictures I've captured either personally, or just collected from others. Hope you enjoy.

Now I have to head out and try to get my un-toned and weak 29 year old body into shape. The goal...to triumph over my early mid-life crisis before I hit the big 3-0.

My time is running out.

20 years and change

I just spoke to someone I haven't talked to in twenty years. My first step-father. Last time I saw him I was about 9 years old. He had been the only father I had known from the time I was born, not knowing who my real Dad was. When him and my mother divorced in 1983 he stopped having anything to do with me. He did however still see his other children, my half brother and sister. I guess he felt that because I wasn't biologically his, he didn't need to pursue a relationship with me. Try explaining that to a 9 year old boy, the only man he'd ever known as Daddy didn't have to see him anymore. I dealt with it the best I could. I was the oldest, and knew that one day I would find my real father, who didn't know I even existed. Throughout my teens I would fantasize about what it would be like meet my real Dad, and how we would have this great relationship. We'd hang out and talk, play sports, whatever. Naive...that's what I was. I did actually find him when I was 20 years old. I had hired private investigators to help me. And they did. I found him. You know what he said? "So what do you want?" That was his reaction. Needless to say it wasn't what I had imagined it would be. I never understood that. Especially now that I'm a father myself of two wonderful boys...

Anyways, I'm way off topic. I called this person, who I was even named after, because of my half brother. Forget the half, my brother. He's 26 now and his life is spinning out of control. Everybody can see it but him. Over the last few years he's started doing heavy drugs. It almost took his life in a suicide attempt 2 years ago. With the help of his family and at the expense of many, he managed to get off of them. For a while. Now things are worse than before, and he can't see it. He feels everyone should mind their own business and not try and "force their morals" on him. He doesn't realize that it's not about that, it's about his life. I don't want to see him lose it. He needs help, and I thought maybe his father could help him, if he won't let anyone else. It was one of the hardest things I've had to do in a long time. You think that time dulls feelings from years ago...but it doesn't.

I'm still shaking...

Too Tired

Just got in from work. Kinda. It was for a friend, but took way too long with too many obstacles. Anyway, now I missed my visit to the gym. Not that big of a deal if I had gone yesterday like I should have. I really don't mind working out. But I do get annoyed at those guys who constantly stare at themselves in the mirror, giving themselves the "come hither" look. Oh ya, and they grunt way too much. What the hell is that anyways?!

No real point to tonight's post, too tired to put much into it.

I feel like a drink. I haven't had one since last Saturday. In fact I had many that day. I don't recall exactly how much, but I was told it was 11 or 12 doubles. Whisky, straight, on the rocks. Kind of old fashioned, but it really is the only way to go for me. I did some things that night, call it bad judgment, a brain cramp, or pure intoxication, whatever. But somehow it drained me of $1200 dollars. "Somehow." Like I don't know. I'm a fool sometimes.

Time to crash....and burn?

07.26.2004

I've been wanting to blog for a long time, but never took the time.  I am doing that now.  I have things in me I need to explain.  With this blog I will say what I need to without the risk.  Am I talking directly to anyone?  No.  But if anyone wants to listen, feel free.

Why did I choose "Black and Blue from the Wind and the Rain" as my title?  That title is taken from a verse in a Stereophonics song.  It just seemed to aptly describe how I'm feeling today.  That may change, it may not. 

Lately it seems like the weight of the world is on my back. Most of it self inflicted, some of it not.  This will be my forum of expression and confession.  A place to unload and unlock some of the things I feel and do.